


She Held the Gun to Her Heart

by HopelessDemise



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Self-Insert, Some angst, Unrequited Love, maybe a lot of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-10 13:17:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12912714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopelessDemise/pseuds/HopelessDemise
Summary: What do you do when it hurts so much to love?Falling in love with someone you only talk to through a messenger isn't supposed to happenBut it did





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First work here so pretty nervous.  
> Basically decided to write this because I'm struggling with similar feelings and needed a creative outlet.  
> I wanted to write about the feeling of being hopelessly in love to someone who cannot reciprocate it. It could be applied to anyone in the RFA really, because they all are uniquely hurting in ways that would make it difficult to entrust their heart to someone. I chose Seven because he seems like someone who would be especially concerned over hurting MC's feelings, especially if he knows he does not feel the same way, because it happens

She held the gun to her heart and smiled  
It was an unsettling smile, serene, and yet,  
Her eyes showed the turbulent mix of emotions that had driven her to this point

She held the gun to her heart and thought  
About all the times she’d gazed at the gun  
And considered picking it up and taking that shot  
But had always hesitated  
Hesitated like she did now

She held the gun to her heart and hesitated  
Because she knew the pain it would bring her  
The pain she had felt before  
Which always left her heart feeling empty  
Only this time, it would be worse  
She had never so fully trusted herself to anyone else  
Did he know just how hard the grip on her heart was?  
Did he know that she had almost completely given her whole being to him? 

She held the gun to her heart and knew  
Knew that it was selfish to pull the trigger  
But also knew that it was selfish to keep going the way things were  
To keep pretending  
To keep making him pretend, like she *knew* he was  
Pretending to make her feel better  
While she slowly  
Helplessly  
Fell deeper and deeper  
In love

She held the gun to her heart and cried  
There was no going back once that trigger was pulled  
Their important friendship would be irrevocably changed  
It had been made painfully clear what his feelings on love were numerous times before  
And she knew this would hurt him  
But she couldn’t pretend anymore  
Couldn’t allow herself to be so completely at his mercy anymore  
Couldn’t dare to hope anymore  
Couldn’t dare to hurt anymore  
Couldn’t dare to feel at ease in the bastion that was his heart anymore

She held the gun to her heart and smiled  
Then she  
Pulled  
The  
Trigger

And watched her heart shatter  
And watched the pieces blow away  
And watched her tears fall on the ground  
And knew it was all her fault

But  
She wouldn’t burden him anymore


	2. Words Aren't Easy to Take Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thoughtless words aren't easy to take back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, words in italics are your inner thoughts  
> >>words like this<< are sent through the messenger.
> 
> Notes on the cannon: you've met Seven online, not through the RFA messenger. The RFA exists, but you are not as of yet aware of it's existence. Maybe one day.   
> Seven isn't a hacker because that's too much to keep up with :3

You stare at the phone screen, biting your lip. “ _Come on, say something,_ ” you think to yourself.

>>“7⭐️7 is typing”<< You watch those words, and feel your heart sink when Luciel apparently decides against whatever he was typing, and the words disappear from the screen.

“ _Come on,_ ” you urge him, “ _say something_.” You roll over in bed and lock the phone screen, resting your phone against your chest. It was too late to delete the messages, he had clearly already seen them. “ _Why isn’t he saying anything?_ ” You pick up your phone and check, even though you already know there is no reply. You type something out.

>>Now I’m going to bed upset, fucking great<<

Probably not the wisest choice, but, you couldn’t just leave it at the previous messages. The thought of apologizing or taking your words back never crossed your mind. Instead, you glance at the corner of your screen, noticing how low your battery was. You sigh and roll over, connecting your phone to the charger, and letting it rest on the floor. You stare at your ceiling. “ _Wouldn’t it be stupid if this is what makes us never talk again? If this is when he finally realizes that I’m not a good person like he always says I am?_ The thought of never talking to Luciel again freezes your heart. Your friendship has withstood more than this in the months since you’ve met, but your mind tells you that this is the final straw. You blink back your tears. _“Isn’t this great? It’s what you say you always wanted, for Luciel to not talk to you. It’s better that you get it over with now, right? At least now it won’t hurt as much”_ Your mind tells you it wouldn’t hurt as much, but the pain in your heart tells you that it may already be too late for that. Luciel has stolen your heart. Your fingers curl, your mind having visualized the gun enough that you can almost feel its smooth grip against your skin. You briefly consider picking it up and firing, but you mentally shake your head and place the gun down, rolling over and closing your eyes.

 

You’re up bright and early the next morning. You yawn, considering rolling over and going back to bed, but you have to wake up early tomorrow, and sleeping in would ensure that you aren’t tired early enough. You anxiously scoop up your phone, looking for any messages from Luciel. Nothing. Of course, if he went to bed at the same time as you then it’s far too early for him to be up. Your mind taunts you again. “ _This is your fault. All you do is say upsetting things, no wonder he doesn’t want to talk to you. He’s never going to talk to you again._ ” You blink back tears, it is too early to be crying. With a heavy heart you get up and busy yourself with your morning routine. There’s no time to dwell on this, there are things to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this short angsty chapter.   
> I do plan on making at least one more chapter, but don't really want to be tied down so I'll try and leave this with a solid ending each time.   
> The next chapter would have to have some fluff somewhere on it, so who knows.


	3. Hesitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, it's hard being in love  
> but the good times make you completely forget the hard times

You finished all you needed to do today and sat at your desk. Fishing out your controller, you settled in and booted up a game you started yesterday. It didn’t take long for you to be completely immersed, your worries melting away. A notification tore you away from your game, and you checked the messenger. Just a friend messaging you, but as you went to reply, you noticed Luciel pop online. Your heart fluttered. You tried to get back to your game, but your mind kept drifting. _“What do I do if he doesn’t reply?”_ You sighed, already resigning you to your fate.

>> message me when you wake up lovee<< Your heart raced at the message. “ _Love. He’s just buttering me up before he gives me a lecture_.” Still, you could feel your heart pound with relief. A lecture is better than never speaking to him again. You can deal with a lecture.

>>I’ve been up<<

>>Oh, it showed you as ‘away’ so I assumed you were sleeping, my bad! Hey there love<< _“Ahh, just get to the point_ ”

>>mm

>>I’m not apologizing for getting cranky last night<<

>>Good

>>Cause you didn’t really get cranky

>>Still, cranky [y/n] is kinda cute too!!

>>So, get cranky<<

 

Your cheeks flushed. He was being too nice, letting you off easy for what you said last night. You didn’t deserve it, but you sure as hell weren’t going to fight it. Well, not too hard.

 

>>Stop being so nice to me<<

>>Never! For I am Seven Oh Seven, Defender of Justice!!<<

>>lol, what does that have to do with anything? <<

>>Defending a lady’s smile is an important job for a defender of justice~

>>I’ll make sure to keep your smile safe~

>>Oh! I went over and visited my elly-chan today! She was so cu~te~<<

>>You really do like cats<<

>>Of course~ And they love me back<<

 

You smile, slipping back into your routine with Seven. He made it so easy to talk to him. Remembering a conversation with friends that you had earlier, you recounted how frustrating you found love triangles and the like.

 

>>you could bring 500 guys in front me of and I’d always choose you

>>no hesitation<<

>>You should probably consider them

>>500 is a lot~!

>>you could be missing out<<

>>No one else compares<<

>>There’s no way that’s true!

>>In a crowd of 500, it’s incredibly unlikely that I’m the best<<

>>Are you saying that in a crowd of 500 girls

>>You’d consider checking them out? <<

>>Maybe I’ll find someone wonderful, that’s a lot of people~<<

>>You’d leave me?<<

>>Well not if we were together already

>>Saying you’ll be in a relationship is a commitment, you don’t say that until you’re completely sure

>>In my mind

>>So after that point, yeah, no one else is on the table<<

 

You stared at Luciel’s messages, cheeks flush. You so badly wanted to tell him. “ _I would be in a relationship with you_.” Your heart burned with the unspoken words hidden within them. There was no question in your mind, you loved Luciel. There was no way that telling him that you would be in a relationship with him would end well. You rein in your impulsive desire with a sigh, letting yet another chance for a confession to slip by. Still, the way your heart burned at the thought of how much you loved him was a bit nice. “ _Luciel is a good man._ ”

 

>>Oh~ Have you played LOLOL?<<

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> teasing making the reader meet Yoosung through LOLOL.
> 
> The formatting for the messages is a bit confusing~ Any tips on how to format it to better show who's speaking would be appreciated.  
> Thank you~


	4. An Unexpected Leap

You – LOLOL? No? What’s it like?   
707 – You haven’t heard of it? It’s a MOBA  
You – Oh….  
707 – Don’t like those?   
 Bummer, I was looking for someone to play it with  
You – Oh um  
 I guess I can maybe try it out with you  
 Sometime   
 Maybe   
707 – Great~ I can’t wait!!  
 Yahoo   
 Let me know when you download it and I’ll play with you  
 Assuming im not busy of course

You clenched your eyes shut. Playing a game with Seven? That meant being in a voice call with him, right? Just the two of you? It’d been a while since you’ve heard his voice, and while you absolutely loved hearing him, you also knew how much it sent your heart aflutter. There is no way you could act any kind of normal while in a call with him. “Why did I agree to this?!” Your cheeks heated up. 

707 – My friend would love to meet you~  
You – Wait  
 Friend?   
 I thought you said  
 No one played with you  
707 – Did I say no one?   
 I just want more people to play with  
 The more the merrier riiiight?  
You – But!  
 But I’m too shy!  
 I’m not good with meeting new people ><  
707 – You’ll be fine  
 Out of all my friends, Yoosung is the easiest to meet  
 Well maybe Jaehee too  
 He’s super nice and friendly  
 You know, the typical cute, naïve boy  
 I like to play pranks on him a lot :D  
You – Okay  
 I’ll try it once  
 Just once okay  
707 – Yay! Come on! Let’s go!  
You – Now?!   
 But!  
 But!  
 So soon?!  
 I’m eating!  
707 – I’m just asking cause im playing alone right now lol

You weren’t actually eating, but that was the first excuse to pop into your panicking brain. You took deep breaths, pumping yourself up. “You got this. You can do this. It’s okay. Be strong. Stop being so overdramatic. It’ll be fine once you start, you just have to take that first step” With another deep breath, you were finally ready.

You – I’m ready

A second later, he called you. After internally panicking for one second, you accepted the call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually forced myself to try a new game with my friend as "research" for this chapter. So yall appreciate that  
> I didn't play LOL even though he does play, because I don't hate myself that much, but I did ask him for the basics of it so I can talk as if I have some kind of knowledge.

**Author's Note:**

> Woops, sorry for all that angst 
> 
> Critique very much appreciated! 
> 
> I have several other (not as angsty) private works that I'll work up the courage to post  
> Some are pretty NSFW, so I'll probably play around with that first


End file.
